Rules for New Eurekians
by loverofstuff1224
Summary: Just what the Title says, a list composed for newbies composed by yours truly, Zane Donovan.


Hola! Hi first time Eureka poster!Love this show probably most underated show, besides maybe Psych. I know no one else who watches either show, besides my family. Anywho just a set of rules and information for new citizens of Eureka, written by Zane.

Disclaimer: I own none of it, because if I did the show wouldn't never end.

Things to know about Eureka: (by Zane Donavan)

1. You are not actual a Eureka-ian till you have:

A. Threatened to kill Fargo. (You will probably do this at least twice)B

B. Almost died from one experiment or another. (Or being forced to evacuate will suffice)

C. Placed a bet with Vincent. (He knows all and then some)

D. Been asked by the sheriff to speak "English". (Don't worry he does that to everyone)

2. There will never be a normal crime in Eureka. (You will find out soon enough or just ask about the bank incident)

3. Chances are you will experience almost dying especially if you work directly in GD. (The record was set by the sheriff for five times in one week)

4. The Sheriff and Dr. Stark do not have a gay thing no matter what Vincent says and you do not ask them directly about it. You will be deemed mentally insane. (Found out by Fargo, Vincent, Taggert, Zoe, Allison, Jo, me, …. Etc.)

5. Don't give Fargo buttons to push. (Multiple incidents that could be looked up or just ask, everyone has a memorable story)

6. Fargo will screw up whatever he touches. (Fact)

7. Change to above, if Fargo is not in the vicinity, Larry will do just fine. (also fact)

8. Ms. Lupo will shoot you no matter how valuable you are. (She really will I found out the hard way… ok it was a taser but she would do the same thing with a gun)

9. Ms. Lupo has a LARGE collection of weapons, including multiple dart guns. (Also found out the hard way)

10. Taggert is practically too insane for an insane asylum. (Don't even ask, just avoid him at all costs)

11. Don't trust anyone named Beverly Barlow. (Just don't ok just ask around)

12. Scientists can be extremely competitive. (Fargo was once turned green… good times)

13. Don't point out Dr. Parish looks like Will Wheaton it inflates his ego and he becomes super annoying (Henry learned that the hard way, and Henry usually is the smart one)

14. Yes you will be out of the loop on a lot of important things, don't worry for the most part its better that way. (Unless you are one of the elite six you will never know everything that goes on)

15. The elite six are, Dr. Blake, Sheriff Carter, Dr. Fargo, Jo Lupo, Dr. Deacon, and Dr. Stark. (Don't worry they keep a lot of secrets but they always save the day)

16. Honorary members of the elite, Vincent, me, Zoey Carter, and S.A.R.A.H. (Yes the last one is AI house)

17. Don't mess with S.A.R.A.H. (She knows how to kick your ass to the curb, give you the cold shoulder, and you never want to meet B.R.A.D.)

18. If you ever see Carter and Dr. Stark yelling, it is completely normal unless they are yelling at Allison then you know shit is going down. (They have this whole asexual old married couple thing going on, they banter sarcastically a lot)

19. Dr. Stark talks about world domination occasionally, don't worry he is not serious. (or is he)

20. I am awesome (Not necessary, but relevant but just a heads up if anyone doubts it)

21. Don't worry if Eureka is about to blow up, the elite six will save the day occasionally with outside help. (You should have heard about the time when, Stark, Carter, and Henry, had to enter a habitat and had to hunt down a man who was turning reptilian. In fact I may have the footage if you ask nicely)

22. If Taggert starts to ramble about Lojack get out while you can. (He will go on and on and on with all this pointless information)

23. Yes the Sheriff is not a certified genius, but yes he is most definitely smarter and more useful then you. (Ask Doctor Parish)

24. The phrase "Stranger things has happened" will jinx whatever is currently happening and also it is true. (Just ask Sheriff about the one time and Wilma eating Fred, actually that day was horrible don't ask about it)

25. Just a heads up so you don't get experimented on or punched in the face.

A. Dr. Allison Blake is off limits, yes she is not dating anyone, but she has this whole love triangle thing with Dr. Stark and Sheriff Carter. (Stark will accidently cut off funding to your project and Carter may arrest you for forty-eight hours on suspicious circumstances)

B. Zoe Carter, daughter of the Sheriff enough said. (Same aforementioned threat, poor Lucas)

C. Jo Lupo, mine. (Touch and you will die a bloody heap and since S.A.R.A.H. likes me and Jo together, she will burn the body for me)

* * *

><p>"Thank you?" The young new scientist thanked Zane, or asked him a question, it was interchangeable.<p>

"Don't worry you'll see soon enough." With that Zane left the newbie to set up in her new lab. "She'll understand so soon enough."

An alarm sounds "Evacuation in process." Emits from the speakers of GD in a monotone voice.

Just another day in Eureka Zane thought as his phone rang.

"Go for Donovan."

"Fargo hit what?"

"Well stranger things have happened."

Yeah just another day.

* * *

><p>Yay done! So un-beta and all. So any mistakes tell me I like flames, well I like reviews alos.<p>

I was thinking of either stopping here or countining with lists of things about Eureka from other characters it was fun to do this one. Give me your input if you think I should or if you think I should quit writing.


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